Category: Correspondence

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5 Sep 1949 – Magickal debts

5 Sept 49

Care Frater Saturnus

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
I am minded of some magickal debts which I must meet before proceeding with certain matters. First I believe that there is a sum of 100 dollars due to you on two copies of the Book of Thoth. If you will verify this sum I expect to be able to pay in monthly installments of 20 dollars. Second there is a problem on which I am not clear. At one time I agreed to pay a sum of 250 dollars to a Dr. Marlowe (Louis Wilkinson. T) in England for prefacing revising and editing the Commentary on Liber Al vel Legis, sending 125 dollars in advance. I believe that Dr Marlowe is under the impression that I owe him another 125 dollars although I have never seen the revised MSS, or heard of any progress in the matter. It seems fishy to me, but if there is a magickal debt involved I must now pay it. Perhaps you know something further, and can give me your magickal advice.

Love is the law, love under will. Fraternally

210

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19 Jun 1949 – Explanation of current Magickal work, personal challenges

19 June 49

Care Frater Saturnus

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Thanks for your kind and brotherly wishes for my work. I am very please to hear of your own progress…

At present I have entered magickal regions where there is no possibility of outside help or assistance. The oaths are taken, the bridges burned, and there is no possibility of turning back. I am cognizant of the dangers of my position, but hope that my wide acquaintance with physical and moral dangers in the past and my total dedication to Nuit, will see me through.

In the past three years I have taken a degree and received a license in chemical engineering, acted as safety director for two major aircraft companies, and director of a large research program. During this period I kept up an intense magickal program, recorded in detail.

In September 1948 I was suspended from all my activities on charges which included activity in the O.T.O., and the circulation of Liber Oz. Later my wife left me, and the separation involved the entrapment of most of my friends. During this period I worked as a mechanic, a filling station attendant, and an assistant in a medical hospital, finally obtaining a position on the staff of the University of California. I also finished writing my magickal thesis at this time. Later, in a closed trial, I successfully defended the principles of Liber Oz, the judgement was reversed, and I was cleared of all charges. I am now engaged in building up my chemical practice.

My interest in magick is essentially practical, it is my sole aim to bring Thelema into the working and practical sphere of the world. It has seemed to me that if I had the genius to found the jet propulsion field in the U.S., and found a multimillion dollar corporation and a world renowned research laboratory, then I should also be able to apply this genius in the magical field. The problem then was to determine and overcome the weakness that had thwarted the final fruition of any of my plans.

Constantly invoking my angel, I final (sic) received the advice that would solve the problem. It was this – to put my magical work, and my entire life, on a rigorous scientific basis, with all the detailed planning, step by step progress, isolation of individual phenomena, and limited objectives that go with scientific programming.

I am now engaged in this process. In order for a person with as many wildly variant abilities and defects as myself to understand this matter, and bring it under control, it was necessary first to know my Angel, and second to take the oaths necessary to furnish the impetus for such an impossible task. That has been done. There is no turning back, but ahead there is a long voyage, and a very lonely one. However, essentially it does not matter if it is done in this incarnation or another. I have developed the magical memory sufficiently to know that it is no new thing with me – there have been many trials and errors over a long time, but the Will is known and the end is certain. But your hunch is right – I am strained to my limit, and have no assurance as to the outcome in this life.

That is about all I can say, or will be able to say for some time. If you hear of any of my future experiments, be assured that I am acting in accordance with my true will, dedicated to the practical establishment of Thelema in the world. I have no present alliances, nor do I contemplate any save in a purely ritual sense, for some time. For the time being my magical partners consist of those that can be purchased or otherwise easily picked up and disposed of. I have no further time for serious involvement with anyone who is not in accord with my Will.

A charge you as a brother to regard this entire communication as strictly confidential, and preferably to destroy this letter. I do not want anyone besides yourself to know the details of my present condition or recent history – my time is not yet. I have written you because I sensed your kindly interest as a brother, – because you first initiated me into the most holy and glorious sanctuary of True Magick – so that you might know the reasons for my present state and plans.

My best wishes for your success, and (what is the same thing) for the accomplishment of the holy Law of Thelema, to which we are both dedicated.

Love is the law, love under will. Fraternally

210

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1 Jun 1949 – Book payments

1 June 49

Care Frater Saturnus.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
It is quite possible that Roy picked up one of the last two copies of the Tarot which I received. I am under the impression that he took several copies of The Equinox of the Gods which I had paid for. However, almost anything might have happened at that time and I been non the wiser. I have three volumes from 666 of the Commentary on the Book of the Law, but was under the impression that these were to be revised, with an introduction from Wilkinson. In any event I am willing to follow your advice in this matter, as I have said.
Am I correct in assuming that I owe you 175 dollars? I will mail a cheque for 25 dollars June 11, and on the second Saturday of each month thereafter, until the debt is paid.

Love is the law, love under will. Fraternally

210.

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11 May 1943 – Finances, Leadership of Agape Lodge

1003 S. Orange Grove ave
Pasadena, Cal.
May 11, 1943

Dear Brother Germer,
93,

Enclosed find $75 for this month’s contributions. I have been late in arranging this month’s finances, hence the delay.
Have been working night and day, and am taking a breathing spell to write in haste. Wilfred, Helen and the baby have left for the ranch. There is much clearing of the atmosphere, and a happier spirit. Am working on four new prospects.

Fredric has been informing all and sundry (by implication) that he is a far superior man to run the Lodge. Something went to his head, He is entirely objective in regard to everything that does not affect him, and completely subjective in regard to everything that does. I am a little amused, since he has given less in efforts or contribution than anyone now present. However, he has his good points and his uses. If I can only keep him from boring people. I am enclosing part of a letter which I started last week, which takes up some details. This is all I can write at present. Will let you know of developments.

93 93/93

P.S. Helen is still Treasurer of the Church of Thelema. If I send my donations through the church, I can benefit in income tax. This will be quite a saving, I would like your advice. I should think that the Church of Thelema would be brought under the Jurisdiction of the Order, or else that the Order should be incorporated here and the Church disbanded. I do not like the idea of separate organization handling our finances. I should like to handle finances directly here. The Church is now practically inoperative. However the religious liberty angle should also be considered.

J.

I know what you mean when you say you are over-burdened. I am in the same situation. In a way I like it, but it results in inefficiency. You simply cannot hold down 24 stops with 10 fingers. But its fun trying.

I misworded my last letter in regard to Wilfred’s position. What I was thinking was that Jane could not accept the responsibility of the position, and I did not have the authority to do so.
Your appointment makes my present position quite clear, and I will make every effort to justify your confidence.

Wilfred has an entirely changed attitude in regard to yourself and Baphomet. He sees the necessity of leaving and is, in fact, anxious to go. There is a great improvement in the general atmosphere, and I am much encouraged and hopeful for the future.

Recently Brother Culling offered Wilfred the facilities of his ranch, a small place near San Diego. He can occupy it after may 7, next week. I believe this would be an excellent arrangement.

Personally, I do not believe that he should get a job, unless it were something extraordinary. He is perfectly capable of establishing another routine, and driving down the rut of an ordinary job from now till doomsday. His great difficulty is that his drive controls him and paralyses his higher faculties, rather than he controlling the drive. He must somehow break the rationalizing that leads him ever to the same cul-de-sac.

His small stature and unhappy childhood have produced in him the automatic reflexed of defenses and negative aggression. He takes refuge in a petty routine in which he can find some relief from the torment of his mind, and at least pretend that he is doing something effectively. All this is only a cloud over his tremendous devotion and real ability. When it is removed, he will really shine. He now realizes some of this, and that is half the battle.

If he took an ordinary job, he would come to work late, put his feet on the desk, and slap the boss on the back, He should strike up acquaintances in bars, hire halls and give lectures, stand on his head in public, anything to get over his lack of confidence and dear of people.

But that will take readjustment, and I think a period at the ranch with his new point of view and vital intention to really accomplish something, is the best start. I will, of course, want your opinion on this.

In regard to the brethren who qualified the pledge, I think some time on my part and a word from you will change their point of view. Let me know when you write.

Forman has spoken often you, he says that he sees things more clearly since his visit, I can understand this.
I wish you were here, and I hope you are right in your hunch that A.C. will come over soon. If I could only see him once. Otherwise I may try to arrange my business so that I can get to England late this year.

I should like your advice as to how I might arrange my insurance and will so that the Order would benefit to best advantage. I am not clear on this. We are not incorporated in this country, and the world future seems very uncertain.
I have been seriously considering asking Brother Max to visit here and possibly attend Lodge. What is your opinion?

 

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LETTERS TO KARL GERMER (FRATER SATURNUS)

May 1943  to  November 1952

Karl Germer, aka Frater Saturnus,  was a German-born publisher, Freemason, Thelemite, and student of Aleister Crowley and successor of Crowley as the Outer Head of the Order (OHO) of Ordo Templi Orientis and head of the Argentum Astrum (A.: A.:) from 1947 until his death in 1962.

He survived periodic imprisonment in Nazi and Vichy French concentration camps from 1935 – 1941 for being a Freemason and his connection to Thelema and Crowley. Upon his release in 1941, he emigrated to the United States. From 1942 – 1947 he served as the Grand Treasurer for the OTO, and then succeeded Crowley following the Master Therion’s death in 1947.

He exchanged correspondences with Jack Parsons for many years, including mediating a dispute within the Agape Lodge Parsons was leading as the acting Master. They continued their correspondence even after Parsons resigned from the OTO in 1947, until Parsons death in 1952.

11 May 1943 – Finances, Leadership of Agape Lodge

1 Jun 1949 – Book payments

11 Jun 1949 – Mention of important Magickal working

19 Jun 1949 – Explanation of current Magickal work, personal challenges

5 Sep 1949 – Magickal debts

11 Nov 1949 – Illness, payments, and difficulties

31 Mar 1950 – Church of Thelema status

3 Oct 1951 – Fragment mentioning preparation of magickal ordeal

29 Apr 1952 – Mention of Crossing the Abyss Operation, New Name

2 Nov 1952 – Jack Parson’s Last Letter, Post-dated after His Death

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12 Feb 1950 – On gods, cont.

12. Feb. (fragment – Ed.)

Do not let my katabolistic moods upset you unduly – they are only antistrophe – the diastole. Perhaps this incarnation would not made [sic] to support the beatific vision, and I may have gone too far too fast. In any event, I do not regret it. The end is magnificent – and the means not unworthy.

Back to the gods – there must be an apotheosis with our own, irascible Jahveh, and it is all in Job – the destruction of the categories when God, having reduced man to abject misery, destroyed all his faith, speaks at last out of the whirlwind. “Gird up thy loins now like a man and declare thou unto me. Wilt thou also disannul my judgement? Wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be like God righteous? Hast thou an arm like God? Or canst thou thunder with a voice like Him? Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency: and array thyself with glory and beauty. Cast abroad the rage of thy wrath: and behold everyone that is proud and abase him.

Then I will also confess unto thee that thine own right hand can save thee.”
Why this arrogance? The answer is in Othin, the all-god’s song in the Edda.

I ween that I hung on a windy tree,

Hung there for nights full nine,

With the spear I was wounded, and offered I was

To Othin, myself to myself,

On the tree that none may ever know

What root beneath it runs.

In this vision, existence crucified for its own sake, in you, through you, for you. The awful question made known in the tumult of the hurricane – dare you know me, can you bear me – the ecstasy – the agony, and beyond that lies the vision of the ultimate light, that reduced Peter to an idiotic babbling about Tabernacles but that Dante faced calmly and serenely beyond the vision of the Triune God.

Naturally the essential force lives in all of us, but only in those rare times when the flesh is dissolved can we see it, and even then seldom see it and live. The Path, as Buddha said, is beyond good thoughts and good works, and evil thoughts and evil works. It is the Path of the unmoved mover, the “hid motive” of Lao Tze.

From that vision we are flung back across the abyss into the heaven – the vehicle, that our incarnation, tendencies, circumstances, provide. For Mahomet it was Geburah – Force. For Buddha, Chesed – mercy, compassion. But in any case this is simply a vehicle for something that is utterly beyond all tendencies, all dualities. That force is in you, the problem is to provide a suitable vehicle, empty it and let it flow in.

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9 Feb 1950 – On gods, and spiritual independence and growth

9 Feb 1950

Dear Candida

You will now have a part of Part 4 of Magick and I suggest your turning to the section on the Holy Graal which pertains to Babalon, and to the section called Astarte vel Berylli, which pertains to your method of work. Now hints on the nature of a god.

1. A god is a barrier. No unready person can pass (i.e. know) a god or his temple. Of course physical and mental contact is possible – but the spiritual – the essential part must remain outside until one has partaken somewhat of the nature of the god.

2. A god is a gateway. The conversation and knowledge of the god confers initiation – allows one to pass beyond all the opposites thereof that the god presents.

3. A god is a universe, i.e. the god includes, reconciles, and transcends all the classes of his class, and all the opposites thereof. He is therefore a complete cosmos, or the macrocosm expressed – as man. ‘A microcosm is a macrocosm implied.’

It is essential to grasp the dual nature of a god and its function. The good and evil, well and ill defined aspect, since it is the god’s position as reconciler that is most important. The terrible gods – Hitzilipoctly, Kali, Baal, Moloch and Jahve are intended to portray the diversity – the rightness – of the appearance of evil just as the good, mild gods portray and reconcile the other aspects. The reconciliation annihilates the split schizoid ego, which has divided the aspects of the parental image into a split, warring, and disastrous cosmos. The evil gods do not demand blood sacrifice – that is the grisly error of the partial soul.

They only demand the perception of eternity behind even the appearance of evil. The acceptance of trans- human and trans-logical values for the standards of impurity. The blood sacrifice in society is a national [cleavage?] of the split ego, but even Mars himself always offers the kindly alternative of a transcendent union wherein the god is otherwise – Mars Venemis (?), the God of the Wood.

When you visit a god on his appropriate plane (country) in the astral, you may find that the country is also the god. This is the experience of some rare types of nature mystics, who, adventuring in a familiar place come suddenly upon a landscape of Arcady, a brief intrusion of the upland meadows of forever in the plainer fields we know. The place is the God, the God is the place, the seen and the seer are one.

My dear, do not think you are alone. The legions are with you that tried and hoped, those now trying and typing – the unborn to come, dreaming of a world to be – all, all are with you. The gods themselves bend and whisper at your doorway, and your windows are portentous with the possible hour. I have heard Aldeberan speak to you of Rigel, and the Pleiades whisper your name that is to be. All that I have and all that I am am flared up in the birth fires that time and left me just three tasks: to guide in infancy, to counsel in adolescence, to renounce in maturity – to go onwards whence I came.

If I was the one you could love, yet it was needful for you to learn contempt and hatred, and to equilibrate those again with love. You have done it, and passed that fine passing. You have needed to know loneliness and terror and despair. You burn there, and it is passing. And now you come to the last unspeakable barrier, the ultimate thule, that you may labour long and painfully to kindle a small spark that will consume all you have – that will burn down the heavens as a torch until even the black stars burn with furious joy.

If you only knew the ache to dissolve, to pass away, to go, to be one – to drink utterly of the cup men call death or madness – to be away, at rest, at peace. But I will endure. I will do what must be done to the last [moment?] of putrefying flesh, to the last pulsation of the dying brain. Not for myself, not for you, but for the vision that I saw once – that is for ever.

One day my hands will fall away, and you will go alone into the regions that I cannot follow – take the sky in wings I have only known in dream.
God knows, it is not my body that now speaks to you, that is a tedious thing of days – of dim awareness in the half-shadow. It is my spirit – that spoke to you in the beginning, that speaks to you again now, that will always be with you, until we meet and fuse in the darkness of which light is a shadow.

Love, Jack

P.S. You can see that you must some time renounce all reliance upon me, that that is a critical point in the adventure. I do not mean that the time has come – but will you will know when it comes. In the great acts of creation and destruction, timing is of the essence. A teacher, like a god, must be surpassed. He is something to come up to, but who, for the adept in his critical moment steps aside, or is pushed aside, so that the initiate can go beyond – into the void. Once you are at that point, the problems are how to pass over into the deep world, how to dwell there, and how to return. Here the individual can only rely on his own supernatural [sic], it is a purely individual matter.

C.G. Jung has explained it all in great detail. As he himself says, he will not be understood for nearly 100 years. 40 years of the period has passed and the Bollingen Society has done much to hasten the day. Crowley’s hints on techniques and viewpoints are invaluable, and Joseph Campbell has done an excellent job of simplifying Jung’s concept of the nature and function of the hero- adept in the cosmic myths cycle.

However, it may be possible to know too much on these matters. The important thing is to get to work and find your own way. You will find the information you really need is usually available. Of course, there have been people – like Joan of Arc, Mary Baker Eddy, and even Aimee Semple Macpherson. But in these cases also the quality of the force and mentality was commensurate with the spiritual state. There is a balance that goes far deeper than appearances.

One trouble is understanding and explaining all this in the abstract quality of speech and thought. No speech or thought can describe or communicate the deep creative and destructive processes that go on within the organism, let alone the ultimate force that lies behind them both. Even objectively there is no description of the growth of a bean, much less a man. It is all by analogy – if we have felt the same we know what the other person means. But even the feeling is done with an unknown and indescribable organ or field of organs.
But some kinds of speed, actions, situations can touch the deep forces, and there you see the awesome spectacle of an individual or a group – or sometimes an entire race, moving in the supernal rhythms of a cosmic circle.

Civilization is an […], the animal is in the culture – he is the culture. Touch that and he moves. But all the intellectual – the reasonable approaches elicit no more response than would sucking on a rubber prick.

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8 Feb 1950 – The nature of Magick

8 Feb. 1950

Dear Candida,

Re your problem of getting the necessary information. You now have the Tarot correspondences, the diagrams of the Tree of Life, and the principle correspondences from 777. The intelligent use of these will show you the correspondences of a large number of ideas – in fact – if you use them right, of all ideas.

Take an idea (phenomena) which you want to examine. You can immediately place it in the class of Fire, Air, Earth, or Water and the sub class, Fire of Earth, Water of Air, etc. (Shortly I will send to you the Yi King – Chinese system of classification and Divination) again it can be classified as the Sephiroth. Further it can be classified in the Tarot which includes all these classes. Now you have all the essential open knowledge. A divination will give you secret knowledge, and you can develop this to any extent you wish on the astral. Once you develop the astral technique, you can get information on a subject that is completely unknown to you, then check it in reverse.

On the astral you can question persons living and dead, gods and spirits, read books and records; view scenes past and present, in accordance with your initiation. But regardless of your method, you will never go further than your grade allows at the time. That is why it is so necessary patiently to check and compare every source of information, eliminating all possible errors and being sure that you are not fooled or fooling yourself. It is in the application of ingenious scientific method to transcendental ends that success lies, but this is the way of any great artist. The science, or the art, or both may be unconscious, but are always there.

By now a picture of Magick must be shaping in you. The temple is your universe, the altar your body, the weapons (instruments) your powers, the Tarot your handbook and the astral the medium on which you operate. All phenomena, regardless of the arbitrary classification of objective and non-objective, propounds two questions, What does it mean to you and how you should use it.

Everything is magical, every act is a magical act, done under will: the small world of objective consciousness floats in the big world of Magick, separate only because of the will to separateness. We are surrounded by and immersed in miracles, the only availing miracle is to open the eyes to a miraculous world. The redemption or initiation of others consists simply in having been there yourself and being able, in some degree, to communicate your experiences. It cannot be done by any other means – all other Messianic activities are futile attempts to convert yourself (in others) to do something you don’t believe and don’t know. That is why your own attainment is always the first matter.
Attainment is simply a matter of consciously seeing what you have known unconsciously all along. Actually, the whole thing is almost silly. You bawl and weep to give up the ego, the greasy penny that you have been greedily clutching in your dirty little paw, and, behold, when you do it, it buys you a ticket to the greatest show on earth, with ice cream and cake free for ever. Naturally the temporal return is painful – you come back to tell the kids outside what damn fools they are, and what they are missing, and if you have forgotten their language you usually get kicked for your pains. It is just that – a circus – a carnival in the grand manner, as Finney [?] says and almost transmitted in Dr. Lao – as the inestimable St. Rabelais saw in his cups when he bawled out – Vive Joyeuse!

That is why in carnivals and masquerades you always seem to be on the verge of something so much bigger – you are! – you are on the verge of knowing that the whole thing is a carnival and a masquerade. You are seeing, however tawdrily, an image du monde. After that, Weltschmertz, but only because you cannot sustain the wisdom – because you must have your silly penny back. This is life as it should be lived, in acknowledgement, commensurably. The rituals – the dances – sacred and profane, solemn and wild, alternating with festivals. We live a symbol of what we know it is, and, finally transcending the symbols, become one with it. This is the wisdom of the cave men, that we have lost. It was their sanity – the lack of it is our madness. We no longer know how to act, and having lost the symbol, we have lost the reality.

Not by logic, not by intellect, nor by reason can we regain it – but by wild dances, solemn rites and chants in unknown tongues – only in the irrational and unknown direction can we come to it again. We must in fact affront and overthrow the reason, and relegate it again to the place of servant that it should occupy. It is by a great act of unreasonableness – in the courage and high-heartedness that Christ – the real Christ – called debonaire (cf. French bible and Greek source). Childish – certainly – but we are all children – only now we are children in a reform school – in an orphanage – in the dry, dull, foolish, frightened, restricted world that fools call grown up – in the evil enchantment of the F[uries?] – of Klingsor, where two and two must always make four, instead of twenty-two, or zero, as they just as well can. And since Zero itself may be a number indeterminate but finite, that is, any number – why the whole proof collapses at its most fundamental point (and 22 is the number of the trumps, clever, what?)

Yes we are like children, but we must be free children, free as the Greeks were free, and more than that – free as the Gods are free in the show that is forever.
Only seek yourself, my dear, and forget the rest. I know you have taken a terrible path through an evil wood, but after all, it is only a bogey, and the witch isn’t half bad once you get on good terms with her.

Love, Jack

P.S. I might mention my notion of the façade as I outlined it to David – not that you need it – but it might help some of your friends.

A façade (pose, attitude) can be useful as a superstructure under which the reconstruction of the ego can go on. Its terrible danger lies in its use as a retreat, a defense behind which a mutilated ego burrows deeper and deeper into darkness.

The real need is always for more contact – more understanding both with ourselves and others – the problem is always one of communication and the façade presents just that.

To explain ourselves ably and sincerely – to understand – to communicate – is the greatest art – the greatest pleasure. The true showman, again, needs no façade, he is sure of himself. His effect – his staging, is actually his greatest truths, the reality is in the nuance. But this is not a façade, it is art, and façade is never art – only prop.

P.P.S. The mailing of the MSS and my last letters was held up, so you will probably receive this a little ahead.

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6 Feb 1950 – On spiritual mythology

6 Feb. 50

Dear Candida.

I saw David today, and found him somewhat more mature and thoughtful than I remembered. I found him quite perceptive when I mentioned the malignant ossification of the facade.

Your art books are at your mother’s – you asked me not to send anything except the Golden Bough. There are some other books you should have – The King and the Corpse by Heinrich Zimmer – The Hero with a Thousand Faces – and a new novel called Rock Pool. I will get you a copy of The Book of Lies, which is a sort of official manual of the Abyss, utterly meaningless in duality, however. Also I am sending Liber 7, which is a sort of song from the other side, also without meaning in the lower Sephiroth. David’s description makes it sound to me (a skrying between the lines) like Tin Man Beo [?] a dream world with good and evil countercharged upon a field of azure. It may be well.

Let us look for a moment at the other side – assuming we have passed the last outposts above the abyss – Binah (= sorrow = understanding) and Chokmah (= wisdom = power) and so come to Kether, the Crown. Here, in the gardens of eternity, only two views are possible – Indifference (Nibbana) and Comedy (N.O.X. = Pan). Of the first, the great expositions are the Bhagavadgita and the Life of Lord Guatama Buddha, the noble twofold path. Of the second, the Life of Christ and the works of the great western adept, Francois Rabelais.

From this view Christianity is simply hilarious. The idea of God being unable to communicate with his creations, and said creations proceeding to murder each other in the name of his Love, is high vaudeville. Rabelais’ description of the sheer ecstasy of taking a shit in the midst of the serious projects of life is on the same par. In eternity, you can take nothing seriously, and All turns out to be a bonem [bonum?], so you deliberately limit yourself just for the fun of it, for the adventure. It is the Graal told in inverse. Tragedy is the privilege of mortality, and the whole thing trembles on the verge of a grin, and often a howl.

Thinking is a language, language is words and the world is a literary creation. That is why a dash of humbug is necessary for any real success, humbug raised to the pitch of fine art. That is why art finally gets bored with its own perfection and winds up deliberately distorting itself – seeing how far it can go in the ludicrous and still keep touch with perfection.
It is all a question of spiritual vitality – of maintaining contact with the secret center that assures us that everything is really a high lark. The weaker sink down and are absorbed, the stronger may sink, but they pop up again with a new and better angle.

The secret strength is actually in death, in the link with eternity we wear in our bones. Our true self moves in life and death, in eternity and duality, as we move in sunlight and shadow, and with as much concern. We dance to the pipe of Pan, whether we know it or not we dance, and the last and greatest truth is the joy – the pure, sheer joy of the dance. On the face of the Dancing Shiva at Delhi someone has carved it – some music – some words open a window on infinity and we look suddenly on Arcady. Only the cry – the whine of the self keeps us from it – forgetting that, and we step into it as easily as across the door. Remember this, my dear – what your Karma has put upon you no one knows but your deep self. It may be to set the world on fire, or to know – to keep your counsel, and be at peace and in joy.

But none of these are to be sought after. It is only to know yourself – to find yourself – to be yourself. That and that alone is the way.

6 Feb. 1950

I mailed you the Goetia and received your letter of Feb. 2. Yes, I walk on the brink. We all do, but I know it. Sometimes that knowledge is a terror. But sometimes it is a joy. Regardless of this, I have a job to do, and will see that it is done. All I ask of you is that you do your part. Be true to yourself.

If you decide to return here, you could probably do designing or other work that would allow you the necessary retirement – in a pinch I could help you, but you should not be dependent on me in that way. Perhaps others will help you – when you move with determination something usually turns up.

Regardless of what you do or what happens to me, my spirit is with you, and will never fail you so long as you have the courage and the faith to be true to yourself. When you do, your work must be your decision. I think I have explained my part about the best I can.

Perhaps you will understand something about Freya from my astral notes. She is at present the image of your animal self, your body of desire, sterilized at a time when you yourself decided to be sterile. She is your familiar on the astral but not the sexual sense and represents both a source of danger and a source of power.

Someday you will have to destroy (i.e. absorb) her, for by this means she gains a soul and you discharge your responsibility. This is the need of her elemental soul which has attached itself to you in order to gain immortality. Someday I shall send you a secret MSS on the subject, but it is not time yet.

Be patient! You are now going about as fast as you can. Magick is growth, you cannot force it. I will directly send you a valuable MSS which will fill in most of the details you need to know at present. In fact, here it is.

As far as the screaming [?] goes, I don’t know. It may be the only way to wake some people up, but I never cared much for it myself, of course I know nothing of what your way may be. I can only tell you how to look. Kali is Mother Ganges – Hindu Goddess of Destruction and Creation. She is black, murderous and horrible, but her hand is uplifted in blessing and reassurance. The reconciliation of opposites, the apotheosis of the impossible. Inanna, the Babylonian Isis, going down to Hell to redeem the Christ Tammuz. The Sophia – the feminine counterpart of God, descending through the Eons to redeem Matter (Ialdeboath = Jehovah) as the bride of Christ (Horus) is the milder Christian doctrine. (But be patient, and I will show you all.)

I am glad you are painting – it seems to be your material will and although the path destroys (equilibrates) the partial wills, the long test is always results.

My work will keep me here at least until early summer – after that – we shall see. I want to build up a small cash reserve between now and then, in case it is needed.

Re paint. I suggest coarse pigment dispersed in mineral oil, or paint on a skin tight costume. If you use pigment, be sure it is coarse enough not to stick in your pores, and is non-toxic also. You could try dusting it on over oil or cream.

I will send you all the MSS you need. Do you have a photograph. Bear it, my darling. That is the supreme ecstasy – to bear the unbearable.

Love, Jack

P.S. I have asked my lawyer to send you a complaint and waiver of appearance, so you will know the score.